Silence Hurts
by waffleman1314
Summary: Past mistakes don't disappear. That was a hard to deal with truth that hit Doof full force when he receives a highly unexpected call from a totally unexpected source. Now he's faced with a new kind of unusual- a new way to view his nemesis. (A/U)
1. An Unfortunate Call

**This was conjured out of my boredom while riding in a car the other day. (Yes, my laptop follows me into the car). I don't plan on continuing it until I finish one of my current stories, but I figured witholding it from you would be a little mean. So, here's the teaser/test-trial chapter of this story. It was as random as I can get and I was caught without my jumpdrive full of usuals. -AJ ThaPlatypus**

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"I'll be back later, Dad!"

That was the last thing Doctor Heinz Doofenshmirtz heard before the door slammed and Vanessa was gone. He hadn't woken up soon enough to gather where she was going, nor had he caught the details of whom she'd be with. It wasn't that he didn't trust her. Well, okay, maybe it was. Either way, there was a perfectly good reason that he'd constantly tried to know what she was up to. A reason that he'd never told Vanessa or her mother, Charlene.

Doof, as most people referred to him, sleepily walked into the kitchen and poured himself a mug of coffee. Norm, the obnoxious robot who had originally been created for the destruction of Doof's nemesis, Perry the platypus, must have gotten an early start to the day and brewed it. For a split second, Doof actually appreciated the robot. He sipped his coffee and picked up the morning's newspaper. Norm must have retrieved that as well.

The cover story was one he certainly wasn't expecting. Instead of some overdone story about his younger brother, Roger, who was the mayor of Danville and the Tri-State Area, there was a story about the Organization Without a Cool Acronym, the agency Perry worked for, was covering the entire front page. Apparently, one of the agents had a serious case of false identity and didn't know anything about it. Doof rolled his eyes and put the paper down.

He turned to return to his bedroom for a little while more before he had to start working on today's inator for his evil scheme, but the phone started to ring. The evil scientist sighed in distaste, but made his way over to the phone. When he looked at the caller ID, it read 'Restricted.' He was tempted not to pick it up, but he knew better. Wrapping his fingers around the small phone, he picked it up, pressed the button to answer it, and held it up to his ear.

"What?" he said grumpily.

"How'd you know it was me?" was the gruff reply. "The O.W.C.A. doesn't show up on the caller ID."

"Save it, Francis, you're the only restricted number that calls here," Doof rolled his eyes. Major Francis Monogram was not only the head of the O.W.C.A., but he was also Perry's boss. That gave Doof two reasons to dislike him, but he figured Francis disliked him more than he ever could dislike Francis. "And you're also the only person I know who'd call at seven in the morning."

"It's urgent," Francis said curtly. Doff furrowed his eyebrows.

"And you're calling _me…_why?" Doof asked. The line fell silent, save for the Major's breathing. "What, you just up and decided to call me?"

"Have you read the newspaper yet this morning?" Francis interrupted, unwilling to listen to the long string of questions he knew Doof was about to ask.

"Well, I just skimmed the story about your organization," Doof frowned. He walked into his living area and sat down on the couch. "But what has that got to do with me? I'm pretty sure I'm not a secret agent."

"Are you sitting down?" Francis demanded.

"Yeah, why?" Doof blinked.

"Because this is really going to unnerve you," Francis said slowly. Doof rolled his eyes a second time and took a sip of his coffee. He didn't care which of his agents was struggling with identity crisis. They were animals, they'd get over it. "Alright, you'll probably hate me just for knowing this tidbit of information about you, but let's get the awkward part out of the way- I know about your son."

Doof spit the coffee out of his mouth and forgot how to speak for a second. How could Monogram have found out about _that_? He cleared his throat and thought of the best way to respond to the man.

"Do I even want to know how you know that?" Doof said, trying to hide his anger and shock as best he could.

"His mom showed up on my doorstep with the kid a good nineteen years ago," Francis told him. Doof sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. "Linda something, I believe."

"Yes, yes, the girl who turned out to be Lindana and whatnot," Doof said through clenched teeth. "So that's what she did with him…"

"That's right," Francis said, with a slight air of sarcasm in his tone. "Yes, she told me that she'd broken up with 'some weirdo named Heinz Doofenshmirtz' and informed me about your son. She said that, yes, you did know he existed, but, no, you had never seen him. The next thing she told me, though, was highly disturbing."

"Oh?" Doof said, the anger in his voice now apparent.

"The kid, who was a mere three months old when presented to me, had been in a terrible scientific accident," Francis informed him. Doof put aside his feelings for a second to listen to what the Major had to say. "She never did explain to me how or what had happened, but the kid is unrecognizable as human, let's say."

"Unrecognizable?!" Doof exclaimed. He stood up and ran into his bedroom. "Please tell me you've still got him!"

"I have full guardian rights of him," Francis said haughtily. "Of course he's still with me. But he's also with his mom in a way."

"Wh-what do you mean?" Doof asked. He started to dress himself as quickly as he could manage- grey pants, a black shirt, black dress shoes, and, of course, a lab coat. "Francis, I'm coming over there!"

"Heinz, you're not gonna like it," Francis warned. He heard the Major sigh. "He doesn't even know he's your son. Or hers. He thinks he's an just agent, just like the rest of my agents. Thinks he's her pet."

"I don't care what you think I'm going to think, Francis," Doof spat. He snatched up his car keys and ran for his car. The elevator down to the ground seemed to be taking too long. "I'm coming over there right now, you hear?"

The line went dead as Doof ended the call. Who was Francis to tell him he couldn't meet his son, after nineteen years of not knowing who he was? No one. Doof stormed out of the elevator and leapt into his car. The drive over to the O.W.C.A. was normally no long trip, but everything seemed to be taking longer. When he finally pulled up to the O.W.C.A., Francis was standing outside, waiting for him.

"Where is he?" Doof demanded, getting out of his car and slamming the door shut. The Major sighed. "Francis, I'm not joking! It's already a slap to the face that you've got guardian rights to my son, don't make it any worse!"

"He still doesn't know you're his father, what do you want me to do, just tell him now?" Francis frowned. Doof nodded vigorously.

"What's stopping you?" he asked.

"Several things…" Francis mumbled. Behind him, the door opened slightly and one of the agents poked his head out. Great, just what Doof needed. It was Perry. He was holding some kind of slip of paper. Francis followed Doof's gaze. He looked behind himself to see Perry staring up at him. "Whoa! Agent P! I didn't call for you…"

Perry shifted his feet uneasily and tilted his head at Doof.

"You're free to speak," Francis said slowly. Perry's eyes widened. "He'd have figured out that you could talk eventually, right?"

"I'm good with keeping my mouth shut," Perry said quietly. Doof nearly did a double take. Perry had been his nemesis for around ten years, but never in that time had Doof known that Perry could speak English, much less any human dialect. "I was just bringing you a slip of newspaper, sir."

"Newspaper?!" Francis exclaimed. "You were reading the _newspaper_?!"

"Y-yes, sir," Perry swallowed. He seemed to not know what he'd done wrong. "I just wanted to know what happened, sir. I was hoping you could explain this article, since you were interviewed."

"I told Carl not to let you have that…" Francis mumbled. Perry looked down, seemingly ashamed.

"I-I didn't know," he muttered. "A-am I in trouble?"

"No, no, of course you're not!" Francis said hurriedly. He dropped down to his knees and grabbed Perry by the shoulders. "For heaven's sake, boy, you're an adult now, don't worry about punishment."

"Sir, that rule only applies to humans," Perry blinked. "Doesn't it? Anyways, what's…what's he doing here?"

"I've come to see why Major Monobrow's been keeping my son hostage from me for nineteen years," Doof said icily. Perry's eyes widened for a second time. "Ah, so my son's been a secret, has he?"

"For good reason," Francis growled.

"Nineteen?" Perry asked, frowning. "You have a son that's _my_ age?"

"You're _nineteen_?!" Doof spluttered. "I could've sworn you were older…"

"Yeah, I'm nineteen," Perry returned, sticking his tongue out. Francis shot Perry a warning look. The platypus blushed. "Sorry, that was immature. Sir, why wouldn't you tell me we had a hostage?"

"For heaven's sake, Heinz, he's not being held hostage!" Monogram exclaimed. He looked down at Perry, who blinked back up at him. "Look, Agent P, you wanted to know who your parents were? Ask _him_!"

"Wait, _what_?!" Doof spluttered. He looked from Francis, to Perry, and then back to Francis. "You're joking! This is a cruel joke, isn't it?"

"You know my parents?" Perry asked hopefully, not connecting the dots. "Monogram never would tell me who they were…he just said that my mom dropped me off here and left me."

"Now I do…" Doof said quietly. Perry tilted his head in question. "You weren't kidding when you said that he was unrecognizable as a human, were you?"

"No, no I wasn't," Francis shook his head.

"H-human?" Perry stammered. "I'm a-a human?!"

"Agent P, I regret to inform you that your biological father is, indeed, standing right here in front of us," Francis sighed. Perry's eyes seemed to get bigger in amazement or bewilderment. Doof tugged at his collar awkwardly. He couldn't believe that the son he'd never met was actually his nemesis.

"Could you excuse me?" Perry said in a near whisper. The platypus turned on his heel and walked right back into the O.W.C.A. building. Doof looked back at Francis.

"I told you you wouldn't like it," Francis chuckled a little out of pity. Doof shrugged. "Now, here's the part you're really going to hate. Legally, my guardian rights only stand as long as he was clueless as to who his father was. I never was going to tell him. But, since you did the liberty of guilt tripping me into this, I have to give you back your parental rights. He's going to go through the awkward readjustment by living at your house and his mom's house alternatively. Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go contact his mom and inform him to remove his things from my basement."

The Major left Doof standing there, with a shocked and guilty look on his face. This wasn't fair. He'd finally found his son, and now it wasn't what he'd always expected. Doof stood there, for whoever knows how long, waiting for someone to return. All he got was Francis and Perry coming back. Francis informed him that Perry was going to go with him right now, and that Perry's mom had been informed of this as well. He dropped down next to Perry and went to say something, only to have the platypus jump on him in an attempt to hug him.

"Sir, don't make me do this," he pleaded.

"Agent P, I have to follow the law," Francis sighed.

"But I've lived with you my whole life!" Perry objected. He cast a wary glance at Doof, and then made his best attempt at a puppy face. "He's…my nemesis…"

"And your father," Francis added. He gave Perry a last hug. "Take care of yourself, okay, Agent P?"

"Will do, sir," Perry smiled meekly. He stepped back from the Major and sloppily saluted him. "B-bye."

Doof let Perry get into the passenger seat of his car and closed it. Francis stood up and walked over to Doof, a serious look on his face. The evil scientist swallowed hard and waited for what he'd expected to come.

"I've treated that kid like my own son for nineteen years," Francis said sternly. "Don't disappoint him _too_ much, alright?"

No response was given to him. Doof simply walked around to the other side of his car and pulled the door open forcefully. He couldn't tell why Francis would be so angry about something that he'd decided to hide from the villain for that long. Sitting down into his car, he started it back up and pulled away from the lot, trying not to think about it.

After all, this changed everything.

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**So, there's the teaser chapter. Tell me how my boredom suits me, LOL. **


	2. Attempting at Breaking the Ice

**Well, four reviews in favor of continuation=CHAPTER TWO! -AJ **

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Perry was quieter than silence on the way back to Doof's penthouse. It wasn't abnormal, of course, for him to be noiseless around his nemesis. After all, for several years, Doof hadn't seen him as anything more than an animal. The platypus kept his eyes glued outside of the passenger window, unfocused on anything that went by, but intentionally averted from Doof. What bothered Doof the most, however, wasn't the lack of communication; it was the lack of a way to confront this situation.

"So…this is awkward…" Doof said slowly. Perry didn't move or make a sound. "Okay, in my defense, I had no clue what had happened to you after your mom just up and left me. You can't expect me to-"

"Can't expect you to _what_?" Perry huffed, keeping his eyes fixed out of the window somewhere. "She got rid of me, and you never even tried to find me. I always had figured that I was an orphan or had been stolen or something like that. I'd always imagined that my parents _did_ want me. But no. That's not the case, is it?"

Doof fell silent again. What could he say to that, after all? His own son didn't trust him and had given a pretty darn good reason why. He could have gone looking for Linda at any time to find out what had happened to his son, but he'd never even considered the possibility after she'd gotten famous. Anyways, he seriously doubted that she remembered him anyways.

"I thought so," Perry said gruffly. "If you don't want me, could you at least do me a favor and send me back to my _real_ family?"

"I never said I didn't want you," Doof pointed out.

"Yeah, well you didn't stick up for yourself and say that you did, now did you?" Perry said, finally turning to face the scientist. An angry look was plastered across the platypus' face. "You just pursed your lips and kept driving."

"That's not an indication of my opinion or desires."

"Sure seemed like one to me. Silence usually means no."

"I think I liked you better when you weren't talking."

"So you _don't_ like me."

"I didn't say I _didn't_ like you!"

"Yes you did!"

Sighing, Doof gave up the attempt of making conversation with Perry and turned his focus back to the road. In his heart, he felt as if he must try and open up with the platypus, being his father and all, but it was hard to do so with someone he'd viewed as a nemesis for countless years.

"That's okay," Perry said, clearly not done with making his point. "I never particularly have liked you anyways."

"Don't lie," Doof said quickly. "When push comes to shove, we both know that we appreciate each other deep down inside."

"But we're also of highly differing opinions," Perry said, narrowing his eyes. "You think it's okay to break the law or go against rules. You want to take over the Tri-State Area like it'll be the best thing ever. You even find childish pranks and childish revenge funny."

"Is this about that inator that gave people mustaches?" Doof glowered.

"That's just one of many," Perry said under his breath. He turned back around to the window and crossed his arms.

"Perry the platypus, are you gonna be like this for the rest of today?" Doof asked, sloppily turning his car into a bad attempt at a parallel park. He jerked the key out of the ignition and sat back. Perry said nothing. "Look, unless we can magically turn you back into a human sometime soon, you're stuck living with me. So at least try to get along."

"Remember, you only have me every other week," Perry mumbled.

"That's not the point," Doof growled.

"The point is that either way I'm stuck with you as a father," Perry said, shooting a hard glare over his shoulder. Doof sighed and stepped out of the car. He didn't feel like dealing with this. Slamming the door shut, he walked up to the front of his building.

"Get out of the car whenever you like, Perry the platypus," Doof called, not really caring what the kid did at this point. He marched into the building and made a beeline for the elevator. Pressing his finger into the arrow pointing up, he waited for the doors to open up and take him away. When they did, a man and his young son stepped out, smiling wide.

"Dad, have I ever told you that you're the best?" the boy grinned, showing off his pearly white teeth.

"A thousand times," the man laughed. He picked the boy up and spun him around happily. "Have I ever told you that you're the greatest son a father could have?"

Doof covered his ears and walked into the elevator car. He pressed the button to go to the penthouse and then the one to close the doors. Sure, other people may have needed to get upstairs as well, but he couldn't handle being surrounded by people right now. Once the doors closed him in, Doof slumped down to the floor and covered his face with his hands. The reality of his situation was still sinking in.

"How did it come to this?" Doof whispered. The elevator dinged to let him know he was at his destination. Sighing, he stood up and walked out, heading straight for his door. He pulled out his key, slipped it into the lock, and pressed the door open. Before he could step in, he felt something tug at the back of his lab coat. Turning around, he saw Perry standing behind him with his bags.

"So…um…where do you want me to, uh, put this?" he blinked.

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**Glad you guys like this!**


	3. Habitual Perry

**It's time for chapter three, folks. :) -AJ **

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Doof told Perry to put his things in the spare bedroom. He made it clear that guests would now have to sleep in the living area, which Perry had absolutely no comment on at all. While Perry got situated in his new room, Doof made his way into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. Vanessa wouldn't be home until later. For now, Doof was pretty much free.

Norm, the robot he'd built originally to destroy Perry, walked in with an optimistic air. The robot was distasteful in many ways, perhaps for his optimism, perhaps for his occasional honest insults, but mostly for his undying desire to be Doof's son.

"Good morning, sir!" Norm greeted. He started to pull out some pots and pans. "Will it be eggs or toast?"

"I already told you, Norm, I don't like eggs the way you cook them," Doof grumbled. He watched as the robot pulled a loaf of bread from a cabinet and ripped it open. "You leave all of the shells in. No one eats shells."

"Yummy, yummy toast with butter!" Norm sang, not caring in the least that Doof had just insulted his manner of cooking. He slipped as many slices in the toaster as he could fit and set them on the highest setting.

"They're going to need butter…you're burning them," Doof sighed. He walked out into the living area and sat down in a chair. Perry entered the room and looked around. Doof motioned for him to sit down. "Sit down, stay awhile. If you're interested, Norm's burning toast in the kitchen…"

"I don't mind black toast," Perry said quietly. He took the offer to sit down and crossed his fingers in his lap. "So, um, were you, ya know, planning any kind of scheme today?"

"You still want to thwart me?" Doof raised one eyebrow.

"No offense, but it's kinda a habit we've had for several years now," Perry said, seeming slightly annoyed. "Would you expect me to stop having the need to thwart you? Would you stop building inators to try and take over the Tri-State Area?"

"You have a point, there," Doof said flatly, taking a sip of his coffee. "Does it bother you that your father wants to take over the Tri-State Area?"

"A little," Perry said, twiddling his thumbs. "It goes against my morals."

"Against your morals, hmm?" Doof hummed. "Well, that puts you and Vanessa in about the same ship as far as your opinion of me goes. She's always trying to convince her mother that I'm evil to get me into some sort of trouble…"

"Where is Vanessa?" Perry interrupted.

"I don't actually know," Doof sighed. He looked down into his coffee. "She just walked out this morning, saying that she was going. I guess she's off with her friends. I should have paid a little more attention, I guess."

"Oh," Perry replied. He looked around himself awkwardly, as if he were all of the sudden unfamiliar with the place. Norm walked in and placed a platter of slightly burnt toast and butter on the coffee table and stood near Doof's chair.

"Get it while it's hot!" he chimed. Perry politely took a piece of toast and started to spread some butter on it. "Looks like someone appreciates my cooking."

"Shut it, Norm," Doof grumbled.

"Don't discourage him," Perry said softly. "His cooking is just fine. I told you, I don't mind a little black on my toast. I actually rather like it."

"Are you always gonna be on his side?" Doof asked the platypus. Perry shrugged. Norm walked out, obviously not caring about the conversation. "Or are you just always going to be on the side that's not mine?"

"Are you gonna make an inator today?" Perry raised his brow.

"That's off topic!" Doof huffed.

"Well, it's not like you've ever got much else planned," Perry shrugged. "Besides, we normally do this. Why can't we just go about our normal routine?"

"Because I'm your father and that'd be weird," Doof said indignantly.

"C'mon, would it really be weird?" Perry narrowed his eyes. Doof pursed his lips a little. "We've been nemeses for as long as either of us can remember, and now it's weird to battle because we found out that we're father and son? Would it really be that weird?"

"You're saying it's not weird still because we've been doing it habitually for years?" Doof frowned.

"Well, yeah," Perry nodded. He started to nibble on his toast a little.

"I was actually…actually planning something for today…" Doof said nervously. "You…you usually know about it, since Major Monobrow typically tells you what I'm up to and everything…"

"So…" Perry drew out.

"I'm getting to that, finish your toast," Doof said, almost laughing. Perry instantly began to nibble at the bread again, the whole time keeping his eyes fixed on Doof. "Anyways, my scheme for today is sort of a re-used one. Remember the Turn-Everything-Evil-inator?"

"Of course I do," Perry smiled. "You hit a toothbrush, some soap, and an unusually large amount of gelatin with it."

"Well, it's not built for

"Well, it's not built for you this time," Doof shook his head. "I rebuilt it to this time zap Roger. I mean, think about it- if Roger starts acting evil, he'll instantly be removed from office. Then I'll somehow waltz in and take over. You know, I haven't got the taking over part down yet, but you get the basic idea."

"Yep, I sure do," Perry said, taking another bite of toast. "What do you want me to do while you build it?"

"Didn't I just tell you I already built it?" Doof said, crossing his arms. In the process, he ended up spilling coffee on the floor. Perry smirked and blinked his eyes a little bit. "Alright, you got me- I haven't even started yet. Why don't you keep Norm company or something? I don't really mind what you do, but I would prefer that you not thwart me before I'm done, alright?"

"Alright, alright, I won't thwart you before you're finished," Perry laughed. The platypus hopped off of the couch and headed off to find Norm. Doof couldn't help but smile a little.

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**I'm considering different angles with this...suggestions are welcome:)**


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